The new financial year is upon us, and it can be a fresh start (in case you have struggled with your new years resolutions). I am currently struggling with self-control. It’s been a year since I moved house, and I promised myself this was the last move before I buy. Yet here I am writing to you about self-control, because I am in the midst of lacking it.
What is self-control?
The google definition of it is:
‘The ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires, especially in difficult situations.’
My definition is just practising delayed gratification in any aspect. I like to do the things I don’t enjoy first, before doing the things I love. Eating the veggies before I eat my chips at dinner. I delay how long I wait before I make a purchase, to really make sure I actually want the thing (excluding groceries and bills duh).
Why is it good to have self-control?
Well, for one, you could be saving yourself hassle and possibly some consequences that you wouldn’t enjoy experiencing. Whether they are repercussions of your actions, or regret and turning against yourself. Either way, none of those are nice things to experience. A second point is that, by not losing self-control, you make yourself more available for things that are suited to you more. You’re less likely to be locked into something that might have seemed right in the short term, but not beneficial to you in the long run.
What are things I struggle with self-control?
Big financial steps among other things. Like I said, I moved house a year ago, and my friends will all say it came out of the blue. And it did. March, I decided I would move, and by the end of April I had moved. It was something that worked in the short term but was unnecessary in the long. Now I don’t want to move too much before I buy, so I must stay here a while, yet a place has come up, and it sounds perfect to move to for the Summer. It’s cheaper and slightly renovated, so way nicer than my current place.
Impulse buying. If it’s under £80 and I like the look of it, I can fall for the trap of buying it. Sometimes, something comes up and I can’t restrain myself. I bought a coat because it was a style I liked, and was red. It’s handy in the rain, but its not warm. Also, because it’s a long coat, it needs to wrap around my hips, which I didn’t measure. Now when it rains, my legs are always wet, because I can’t zip or do up the buttons on the coat, thanks to my curves. I realised this in the winter, 6 months after I bought the coat and I definitely didn’t keep the receipt.
Peer pressure. Though I am getting significantly better at this now. I did reach a point where the only thing I thought about hanging out with friends was to drink. And, if I didn’t want to drink, I should stay indoors. So, to make friends, I drank, and let the liquid courage drive how the night went and how long it lasted. I have some interesting memories.
How do I establish self-control?
The answer you have been waiting for, though it might be anticlimactic. Trial and Error.
I am not going to tell you how to do something, as I believe ourself-control abilities come from our nature and nurture. And since, I don’t know you like that, I can’t tell you what will work for you. This is not the ‘5 ways to establish self-control’, I am asking you how You do it. Maybe you’re asking me how I do it, so I’ll tell you:
- Come to conclusion that I lack self-control in a particular thing (like shopping or big purchases or take out)
- Look at what happens just before I lose the self-control – I notice that I do pros and cons lists, but because my brain has a bias for the dopamine hit, it tends to conveniently forget some of the important cons, that would easily sway in favour of self-control.
- Try ways to implement self-control
Ways to implement it
- Don’t buy impulsively. Write it down and come back after 3 days. If you want it, then don’t get it unless you actually have the funds to. This delays the gratification, and you know you will get it soon, or plan to have the money to get it sooner rather than later.
- Talk to a friend. Talking to mine about the new rental house I was seeing, brought up the fact the house has a front and backyard. Both with grass, and I hate cutting grass, and paying for someone else to do it. (There were also other cons like it’s a mid-terraced house, with no driveway, and houses that look into the backyard from all directions).
- Have notes that remind you why you shouldn’t be tempted (in your phone, on the wall, make it your background etc). Maybe it’s your insecurities that drive you, or your emotions. Heck, sometimes hormones can influence how you behave, and you need to consider that before you give in.
- When we are tired, we will normally crave the easiest way to exist. Having a good sleep schedule, diet and lifestyle, will make us more capable of achieving self-control. I meal prep to minimise my reliance on takeout, but also, my extreme hate for spending that much on one meal, motivates me to have food at home.
TL;DR
- Self-control is hard to establish for yourself, so give yourself the chance to experiment with what works for you
- Slipping on the cliff-edge of self-control, is normal. We learn our lesson and we get more grippy shoes
- It might not just be self-control, sleep, health, feelings can play into the impulses, so rationalise with yourself
- I have fought off 2 self-control lapses this week, one of which I described here. It’s not east. I know for a few days, my brain will try to back track, but I have my methods to keep me focused.
