Managing a busy mind: Adulting without therapy

I have talked about it in previous posts, but I was in therapy. I reached a point in Aug/Sept of last year, where I decided I no longer needed to attend. Both me and my therapist agreed that it was time for me to navigate with the coping tools I had developed, over the last 2.5 years. My last session was at the end of September, and I have done 6 months, therapy free. And this how I manage my busy mind.

Generally,…

I, like many others, am an overthinker. I catastrophise my life so much, I can spiral myself into a dark place. I have since learnt to be able to rationalise my brain, by myself. As I am by myself, and I only trust myself to do that. Don’t get me wrong, my friends are always there for me, and I talk to them after the rationalising is done. But the actual process of rationalising, I don’t tend to share it, because that’s something I am not comfortable with.

How I manage catastrophising?

I’m sure we have all heard ‘Not my circus, not my monkey’s’, and this is a great way to rationalise catastrophising. I literally used to freak out on things, that are completely out of my control. Like, just because a distant relative has made a particular decision, does not mean it has a direct impact on me. (actually, it never does, sometimes it’s indirect but very small). So, when I feel myself spiralling, I place the thoughts on 2 sides: My problem to solve and Not my problem. Most times, the latter is a lot bigger than the former.

Once I have my list of my own problems, I think of ways to solve them. Literally any plan to solve them. A frequent one for me, is I check my credit card balance, and freak out that I am struggling to reduce my balance. It makes me think of getting an extra income and reducing spending. When I think of those solutions, I look at what I can do now, and what is something that I will witness in the long term. Just having those thought out and taking those smaller steps, calms me down instantly. In like 2 hours, I will have forgotten why I had started spiralling in the first place, and it no longer consumes me for the rest of the day. (which it defo used to)

Know your neutral point

Most people think that the best feeling you can experience, is happiness. I don’t agree. I believe in a neutral state, where nothing is pulling me in either extremes, yet I feel at peace. That’s my neutral point, and when I am there, adulting seems boring and mundane. In that state I have room experience more joy, than if I was already happy. And less sadness, than if I was currently happy. Literally, the picture of homeostasis, is how I want my brain to be managed.

How to get back to neutral?

First you need to know where your neutral is. It’s a state where a minor positive or a negative event could occur, and you feel indifferent to the emotion triggered after a short timeframe. My goal time frame is 10 – 20 minutes. Anything more than that, and I am entering dissociation territory, which I can do for hours on end if I am not careful.

Recently, I have been feeling deflated. And I can tell, because there is a slight ache of dread in my chest, and I want to withdraw from more people than usual. I have been enjoying 1 playlist for most hours of each day, and my comfort show and books. With no urge to try something new. Firstly, I don’t go and look for the reason to why I feel like this. Because sometimes our brains and bodies, just do something weird like this. So, I first identify the feeling. Is it anxiety, sadness, fear etc? Again, don’t need to find out why yet. I then use my Headspace app. Sometimes I can breathe alone, but other times it’s hard, so the app has a soothing voice and guidance. I use it whenever necessary, and however frequently, until I can breathe without the tightness there.

With the tightness gone, my mind is relaxed and open to a gentle process of thinking what has caused this. If I did that first, I would end up catastrophising, which is a bad idea. With a calmer mind, my thoughts are slower and easier to process. Sometimes, I don’t find a reason. I’m just feeling down. And that’s where I just start my healing process.

Healing process

The aim of this process is to make me feel safe and secure again, because that’s why I feel down. I do this by engaging in my Grounding Routine. They are simple steps I take to feel like myself again. The basic routine, that keeps me sane but doesn’t stretch me. I reduce my gym schedule to 3 times a week, with daily walks. I heavily rely on my meal prep timetable to keep me going. I withdraw for space, rather than withdraw for avoidance. My grounding routine is something I enjoy, because its easy. And that’s why I fall back to it. The human body does do that, fall to the easiest solution. So, having a basic routine that helps you exist, whilst you find your neutral point, is a necessity in managing a busy mind.

TL;DR

• A busy mind can take a toll on the body
• As an overthinker, I can catastrophise a lot. So, learning how to manage my busy mind, without therapy, is very necessary for my mentality.
• This is not a replacement for therapy, but an insight into how I have been managing, without my therapist for the last 6 months.
• Therapy doesn’t have to be permanent. I did it for 2.5 years, and finished it when I felt ready