As we leave January and enter the remainder of the year, you are probably finding yourself struggling to stick to the resolution (s) you set mere weeks ago. Or you enjoy my blogs so much, you’re just reading as a loyal fan, I see you and appreciate you. Regardless of why you clicked on this post, I’m sure you want to know how to set achievable new years resolutions
My Experience
I have never kept a new year’s resolution, ever. It reached a point where I knew my habits all stemmed from my extreme people pleasing tendencies, and I started 2021 in the mindset of following my own thoughts. The thing is having people pleased for over 21 years, I had no idea what me was truly, and what was me trying to avert confrontation. So, you can imagine I fell off that resolution ridiculously fast. I look back at that moment often and I can see I didn’t embody that resolution, because it wasn’t achievable.
If you have read your fair share of self-help books and watched videos, I’m sure you have heard of SMART goals. If you achieve each part then you have set yourself a goal that you can achieve, if you maintain the consistency.
Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant Time-bound
I just said “I will stop letting people’s words persuade my actions”. There isn’t anywhere in that to say how I could possibly do that, let alone the other letters, so it wasn’t going to last. What I think would have worked was, “When someone imparts an opinion (S), which I feel the urge to enable (M), I take a few breaths (A), and evaluate how I feel about that opinion. I accept that someone’s opinion is their own, and not mine (R). Then once a week I will reflect with journaling or therapy (T).
Habits
Essentially speaking, resolutions are normally lots of habits compiled into 1 main goal for the year. I recently have been reading a book called Atomic Habits, which implied that to be successful at completing habits, they need to be obvious, attractive, easy and satisfying.
I decided to put this to the test. So, I had a terrible sleep pattern leading to Christmas 2022. The size of the bags under my eyes were terrible, and as a morning person, I did not look like I wanted to be alive, let alone awake. The messed up sleep pattern started affecting my health and productivity too, so I had to make it stop. So, week 2 of January I decide to start a morning and night routine.
At the time of posting this post, I have done it every night, no fail, and a total of 3 times in the morning. I used the habit laws for my night routine and not my morning routine, but not on purpose. I thought I gave myself an equal advantage for both, but after 3 mornings I stopped, but my nights were still going. Nowadays, I find myself looking forward to starting the routine, and I wake up so rested.
My night routine
My night routine is a group of small habits compiled together to associate with going to bed. Brush my teeth, wash my face, stretch for 5-10 mins, then read a book until my eyes sting, then lights out. I’m normally asleep by 9:30 and its great. Each habit has a musical queue or alarm. I did the same for my mornings, but I would get distracted by my phone to easily even with my will power. So, I stopped it, and I’m still thinking about how I can give myself an achievable morning routine that feels as easy as my night routine.
So, as someone who people see as “productive”, “driven” and “structured”, I do recommend listening to these habit laws. 1) make it obvious, 2) make it attractive, 3) make it easy, and 4) make it satisfying. Because in life no matter how motivated you are, there reaches a point in time (and it’s a lot sooner than you might think), where you lose the motivation. To keep going you have to remain consistent. The consistency will bring the change to make you create a positive emotional connection to the habit. But if you stop completely, you will have to start again, and that minimises any progress. The book doesn’t mention this final stuff, that’s my tip from my habit building experience.
Reasons
If your reason to do something is to “prove something”, “get a response from someone” or anything that gives you some sort of external validation, it makes it harder to maintain. Once you get the response you’re looking for, then what’s the point of continuing. You get the ego boost, then you feel like there is no point to continue. Whereas having a more intrinsic motivation for a goal, you’re more likely to keep at it, as you will tell yourself why you’re doing it, and you’re looking within for that.
I hated going to the gym because of my body image. Then I started going because someone I was close to, was really into fitness. We stopped being close, and I no longer wanted to go. Then I decided to go back, but decided to focus on building strength and muscle, to feel comfortable in my own skin.
I went to the gym at 5 am for 5 months. No struggle. I eventually stopped, when my work life messed with my timetable. However, I can’t wait to change my schedule and get back in the gym. It won’t be 5 am, because I have realised I can live a healthy balanced life, without getting up so early, but it’s a habit I am happy to continue.
To Conclude
You need to think through properly to create achievable new years resolutions. Just because we are in February, it doesn’t mean you can’t create new resolutions. They are not specific to just new year, it’s whatever timeline works for you. Don’t be waiting for next January to start making a difference for yourself.
My 2023 new years resolutions
- This year I have realised I don’t care for the forced idea of new years resolutions, so I have decided to never set them. Hahaha
However this doesn’t mean I am not making changes to myself. In fact this year I have decided to celebrate the little wins. I have been so hard on myself for so long, and I want to be happy with what I have actually achieved, rather than what I haven’t. So I celebrate each little win, because that’s worth celebrating as much as my big milestones. I feel a lot more appreciative of my own achievements and less self-deprecating, which I think for me is a good way to live my life.
Moral of my story:
- Set SMART goals: This makes them easier to achieve and monitor progress
- Use the 4 laws of habit making: This will help you set enjoyable long term resolution, which will help you stay consistent
- Be consistent even when the motivation runs out: Turn up everyday, rather than on select days and it will become more natural to live the life you want to lead
- Intrinsic reasons are better: Look within to achieve those goals, and you will pride yourself, rather than waiting for external validation
