When you start to adult, things that used to hit one way as a child, just hit different. Christmas is a little less magical. Birthdays seem a little less exciting. But the weird thing is, it feels better that way, however this is only my opinion. Feel free to disagree.
What has changed?
My mental stability and overview on the world. Is the short answer.
People joke about how once you taste the life away from your parents, you won’t want to go back. I completely understand. I appreciate the life my parents gave me, but I now live my own life, with my own rules and lifestyle. And it definitely does not agree with my parent’s lifestyle. And that’s fine, in short amounts, such as easter, random weekends in the year and Christmas. However, suggest me to go back indefinitely, or long term, that’s asking too much from me.
I have spent my first year of adulting, doing a lot of growth, that I feel I didn’t do between the ages of 16 and 22. I felt indebted to my parents, and guilt-ridden when I wanted to live my life differently, from their expectations and traditions. So, now that I am making decisions and choices, that benefit my mental health, (and oppose my parents) I find that celebrating events, feels very different, compared to all the years prior.
My overview on the world is now based on my thoughts, and not incredibly influenced by my parents’ opinions. So, yes, I do care for somethings, that my parents won’t bat an eye to. But that also means, things they deem important, are sometimes things I believe are a waste of my time to care about. It’s not a bad thing that my opinions are different. I am an individual, and I am unique, and that’s fine. Is the long answer.
Birthdays
When I was younger, I always looked forward to my birthday. My parents would always take us out on a meal to celebrate. We’d make a cake to take to school, or to extra clubs and celebrate with those people. I wasn’t a big party person, so they rarely happened, but I enjoyed celebrating it with people in my life. The presents were always very interesting, and somehow, I always knew what I wanted.
Nowadays
I don’t ask for presents, because what I want is normally not things people can get me, but they are things I can get myself. And I’m fine with that. I don’t mind not celebrating with people. Doing it alone is weirdly comforting as well. I like to think of it this way:
I have worked hard all my life, to get myself to where I am now. I don’t take enough time in the day to recognise that and appreciate my efforts for getting me here. So, I’m happy to use my birthday as an appreciation day for myself.
It’s controversial, because you can say my parents brought me to this country. They gave me a life that I would not have had back in my country of origin. But my parents were not that supportive, when I chose my degree. Yet, I have the job I have now, thanks to the said degree. My friend signposted me to a therapy network, but they didn’t tell me to go, I had to make that choice. And for sure, where I am at now, I owe to the growth I have made in therapy. So yes, there were people who nudged me in the right direction, but they didn’t force me, or drag me there; that was all me. And my birthday is the day I give myself that recognition.
Don’t get me wrong. For my 21st I wanted to go all out with a chocolate fountain, alcohol and booking a hall. It just so happened that a pandemic got in the way. Now, I earn my own money, I’m totally working up to 25, and that is going to be exciting.
Christmas
Now, if there are children who read this, I’m going to keep the magic alive for them. Santa is awesome and be good. Man, Christmas is magical. Again, I always knew what to ask from Santa, and the presents were always the best part of the holiday.
Nowadays
I don’t have anything beyond fluffy socks on my Christmas list. Fluffy socks are my life, and I love them, so I ask for them every year, and Santa does not disappoint. My favourite part about Christmas, is going to my parents, where the house is warm, and there is tonnes of food. Honestly, the Christmas highlight is the food.
I love cooking it, watching it get served, and then devouring it. And that feeling like you’re going to explode. I look forward to it, every year. Also, my family is religious. I haven’t reached the stage in my life, where I will let my family go to church without me, because I’m not as into it as they have raised me to be. However, church is funny during the holidays, because the priest will talk to the children, and children have no filter. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.
I have no care for the number of presents, but I do care about the quality of the presents. I would rather not receive a present, than get one that’s not relevant. Don’t spend your money on me, if you don’t know what to get me. I know there is a weird unspoken rule of “if they got me one, I need to give one back”. Please don’t used that rule on me, I will respect you more if you don’t give me a present, rather than giving me one that is not fluffy socks.
Adult vs Child
I can see myself growing up in hindsight, and it’s very interesting. I imagined myself resembling the behaviours of the main character in all the movies, and all the attention being on me, but now the only person giving me all the attention is myself, and I am loving the adult that I am becoming. She is way better than what younger me imagined. And I can only assume that early 20s me, is going to be different to early 30s me, and that growth journey in hindsight will be lovely to see.
Moral of the story:
- It’s ok if your lifestyle is different from your parents– You live in different places and lead different lives, you can’t be expected to live by their rules, beyond their home
- Having different opinions is a good thing– It’s healthy, and as long you can justify the reason in your own means, that’s the only thing that matters as it means you made your own mind
- I use my birthday to celebrate my own existence– I don’t give myself the credit for making it this far everyday, so one day a year seems reasonable.
- It’s fluffy socks or nothing– Don’t make me lose respect for you
- Growing up is scary and weird but it’s natural– and just because you had one way now, does not mean it can’t change in the future
