Growing up involves a lot of change, and the older you get the more present you are in making your own decisions. Do you remember picking the primary school you went to, or the extra curricular activities you did before the age of 9? Our adults in life made those choices for us, and started to give us more independence with age. Now as a full-blown adult, you turn to them for advice, but they can’t make those decisions for you. Because of this, not only do we have to make the decisions, but we have to deal with the process of change once that decision is made, and that is quite tough on your first few times.
Making the decision to change
Dealing with the process starts before you have even made the decision. So:
You are posed with a situation that means you have the control on the trajectory of where things go for yourself (focussing specifically on yourself, we are not looking at your choice affecting anyone else). In some cases, you have felt very strongly about where you want things to go, so you already know which way to go. Other times, the situation might need more context, or it was a situation you weren’t prepared to face. On the latter, you need to take your time. Here is how:
- Ask how long you have to make the decision? – working to a deadline minimises spiralling and ensures you stay focussed.
- Investigate/research your options and their potential trajectories – it’s good to know whether something is for you or not.
- Evaluate those options – Some people like to isolate and think it out alone, and others like to talk it out, but those options need rationalising.
My example
I am currently working at a non-profit organisation, as a social impact project and career break from my current job. From the beginning, I knew it would be my decision to extend my stay for another 6 months, and for the duration of the role I was on the fence. I knew the work I was doing, was so good for them and for the community. And in the beginning, I had the steep learning curve where I gained so many skills. As the month’s past, I could see the tasks becoming repetitive, even though the days were varied. I am 6 weeks away now, and I have decided to go back to my team.
Deadline
I wasn’t given an official deadline, but because doing paperwork takes time, I gave myself 4 weeks to make the decision.
Investigate
Throughout my time away, I saw 3 opportunities that I would be really interested in, back at my company. If I stayed, I would be a significant benefit to the non-profit, and not gain as much professionally.
Evaluate
I talked about it with people in both companies, but I couldn’t be completely honest with them, due to their affiliations. So, I went to a 3rd party. Someone who only knew me as a person and had zero idea about either company. During my honest ramble about both, I came to the following conclusions:
- If I stayed another 6 months, I would delay my progression by 12 months, which isn’t what I want to do right now
- If I stayed, I would get to experience a varied work week, with some nice people
- One of the 3 opportunities at my old company was so exciting to me, that I applied anyways and told my manager I would come back if I got the job. That’s pretty telling on where my head was at. (spoiler: I didn’t get it, but I still didn’t want to stay)
Sharing the outcome
There comes a point of telling people the decision you have made, and as someone who gets worried about being interrogated, I practised reasons before sharing my news. You can always be honest, but sometimes the honesty might be too harsh. Having a rehearsed answer might seem fake, but when you’re honest, the answer won’t feel rehearsed, and people will understand.
My example
After the discussion with the 3rd party, I took over a week to really evaluate my thoughts and prepare on sharing the outcome. I ensured each time I shared the news with senior management of both companies, it was in a private engagement, and the topic of conversation was known. I stated my reasons in the perspective of continuing my career development and showed my gratitude towards the skills I have taken from the experience.
Dealing with the change
People handle this differently for different situations. You might feel extreme relief, and everything settles, so you continue with life comfortably, until the moment to change comes. Others might feel on edge for the remainder of the time, until the change comes. Or you might feel a mixture of both. What’s best at this point, is to get to a state of calm and neutrality. Taking the time to ground yourself, and reduce the overwhelm/anxiety that might come, makes coping with the change more bearable. You might want to talk it out or self-soothe. But there is nothing worse than waiting for the moment of change to come, and feeling on edge.
My experience
I felt so guilty for telling the non-profit that I wouldn’t be staying, and I was worried that the dynamic would change in the office, once the news came out. Six weeks in a situation I thought would be tense, did not sound ideal to me.
I chose to take these feelings to my therapist (not everyone has access to one, so anyone who you are comfortable with is a good alternative). They reassured me that a sense of overwhelm is normal when dealing with chance, and we also discussed where my sense of guilt came from (there was a lot of pressure put on me as a child).
My guilt also motivated me to put in a little more effort in my work. I am going to leave them permanently, so I might as well put them in as good of a position as possible. (This does not mean I am pushing myself to extreme limits and overworking, I’m just optimising my days, knowing that they are finite).
My conclusion about the process of change
Honestly, I can’t say I avoid the overwhelm when it hits. I occasionally get hit with it, but it’s not the end of the world, thankfully. I, for sure, have a better understanding of how to prepare for and inform a new change in my life. Hopefully, some of this might be helpful, or it just seems nice to read about someone else’s life, to possibly avoid your own (lol).
Too Long; Didn’t Read TL;DR
- Dealing with change (and it’s results) as an adult is overwhelming – That’s ok, it’s a part of life. You will need to process the change:
- Ask how long you have to make the decision?
- Investigate/research your options and their potential trajectories
- Evaluate those options
- Having a bit of awareness of the outcomes of change makes it more bearable to experience
